How Many times those words have come to me over the years! It seemed to be sooo impossible to do! I struggled and struggled to do it!! I just couldn’t let go of anything. Everything was deep down inside and I didn’t know how to do that.
On 12/24/1984–Christmas Eve, I said the prayer of salvation and was saved–so I thought. Fear and terror had me in its grips as a nightmare haunted me nightly. I had been in an abusive relationship for a few years that left me envisioning my x-husband pouring gasoline around my apartment and setting it on fire with me and my 10 month old baby inside. Many times during the night I would see it happen. Each time I would jump up and run around to every window and peak out to see.
I was wiped out and total exhaustion took over to the point that I became immobilized. I could not jump up!! I couldn’t move at all. As I laid on the couch in great fear and terror, the 700 Club was on TV. It grabbed my attention. As I listened; the words that were spoken were directed at me. I prayed the prayer of salvation. All of a sudden a peace came over me. The fear and terror left me!!! Right then my journey out of that horrible pit began.
It was not easy; of course! The devil came in to take it all away. The very first thing to happen was when I made a phone call for prayer. The words of the person I talked to were, “If you can’t speak in tongues, you are not saved.” In desperation I tried to speak in tongues but it wouldn’t come. I was devastated!!! But I remembered the peace I felt. I picked up my Bible and started to read. The words I read were, Do not fear, what can man do to you? I grabbed those words and repeated them over and over again until they sunk into my heart, my soul, and my mind.It didn’t end there, of course.
Next, I lost my children. Each one for a different reason.
My youngest was taken away. God gave me the opportunity of allowing the oldest to stay in my life. I cried ceaselessly over my children. The devastation of loosing them both was too much to bare.
Let Go & Let God kept coming to my mind. Over and over again God kept saying–Let go of them from your heart and turn them over to me. Finally it sunk in and I let go of them from my heart.
Today–over 20 years later, I find that it was the best thing I could have done for them. I’ve been blessed to see what God has done in my oldest son’s life and it gives me faith and hope to know he is working in my youngest son’s life too.
I can stand in faith knowing without seeing that God is taking care of him too. PRAISE GOD.